For a lot of us change is challenging but particularly so for autistic individuals. Change can cause a lot of mixed emotions and feelings of being unsettled. I felt now was a good time to write about this as there has been a lot of change for me personally and for the wider society in the UK.
The past few weeks have involved some exciting changes for me but this also comes with a degree of anxiety.
In late May I finally completed on the purchase of my first flat, I am so happy to finally be in. I can confirm that the facts are right when we are told that buying a house is up there on the list of top most stressful things you can do. The anxiety of the unknown was so hard to deal with. The final few weeks of my purchase were anything but smooth, I finally completed on completion date 6 (Exchanging 3 hours before completion!). For weeks I lived out of boxes, not knowing when moving day would actually come. This also impacts your ability to be able to plan things for the coming days/weeks. My friends became very use to me saying I will be there if the house doesn't happen on X,Y & Z. I found this uncertainty so difficult to deal with.
Once I was finally in, in my head the stress and anxiety was just going to go away... I wasn't right here! I suddenly was in this strange place and all my stuff didn't have a place. It took me a good few weeks to unpack everything and find a place that made it seem like my home.
The wait and anxiety was definitely worth it and I am now settled and enjoying my new flat. This is now providing me a safe little haven to escape too after a long, busy day. Just me and the dog! I have to say that at the moment I am very much enjoying living on my own, just being me allows me to have control over what happens when and where things are kept which gives me a lot of security!
Another exciting change for me is that in July I accepted a new job that I start next week. I am really excited to be joining the Autism and Learning disabilities team at Derriford hospital. I am so passionate about this area of healthcare and am really excited to be starting on this next adventure.
This change however doesn't come with a certain layer of anxiety. My hours will change from very random shift work to more regular 8-4 days. This I am really looking forward to but I know will take some getting use to. I will need to build a new structure to my evenings. I am trying to create a structure by joining new activities, I have joined a beginners netball group which I am really enjoying getting stuck into!
I know that it will take me some time to get the balance right but I am hoping this will be a really positive change that will allow me to have a bit more structure and routine to my day to day life.
On the 8th September we heard the sad news that Queen Elizabeth 2nd had passed away. This lead the whole country to a period of mourning. No matter what your views on the royal family I hope everyone can agree that the Queen was an incredible woman, a role model to so many, her service was an inspiration and therefor her loss is significant to us as a nation.
The shock of this has hit many people hard but I think that it will particularly hit the Autistic community. Firstly I think that for a lot of autistic individuals managing the emotions of sadness/ grief etc is really challenging. I have previously written a blog post about grieving from an autistic perspective so I won't go too much into this now. If you are interested in this then it is available via this link .
It can also be really hard to 'read the room'. When out for a walk with the dog this morning I found it really strange that nobody was saying hello to each other. It didn't make sense to me why we now don't follow the social norms that I try so hard to learn!!
I am also struggling with the unknown that the coming days and weeks involve. Given that this isn't an event that happens often nobody is really able to offer reassurance or clarity as it remains an unknown to us all. Simple things such as will there be extra bank holidays just adds an extra layer of anxiety not knowing how this will interrupt or change my normal routine.
At times when there is a lot of uncertainty and change I find it helpful to as much as I can focus on those things that I do have control over. Simple things such as my morning and bedtime routine where sometimes I might be able to be a bit flexible I am sticking quite rigidly to my routine to give myself a sense of security within routine.
I am telling myself this as much as anyone else but at times when change is happening or uncertainty is ahead it is so important that we are kind to ourselves (and each other). I am guilty of beating myself up for taking time for myself, allowing myself an extra lie in etc. Change is exhausting and allowing ourselves time to rest to process this is so important to prevent burn out.
I see my brain in a similar way to my legs after a run. The run is good and important but I know that if my body did this everyday it might start to protest. After physical exercise our bodies need rest days to recover and rest. All our brains are the same but especially the autistic brain. I know that when I am dealing with a lot of change my brain starts to shutdown, I become grumpy, irritable and anxious. This isn't pleasant for me or anyone around me and over the years I have learnt to recognise and respond to this. I have written again written a separate post about selfcare and burn out which I will link here.
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