Communication

Something that many people associate with autism is social communication challenges. This is such a broad topic and there are so many different aspects, some of which I am going to try and discuss in this post.

Firstly I think it is helpful to explain what I mean by communication as it means different things to different people. When having a look online for definitions this one I think sums it up nicely:

Communication is the act of giving, receiving and sharing information, this can be though verbal or written language, listening or reading (words or body language).

Due to the complex nature of communication, social communication difficulties can present in a number of different ways. For some autistic individuals they may have very good language skills and may be able to communicate well. Others may have very limited verbal language but this does not mean they can't and won't communicate. In this post I am going to focus more on autistic individuals who appear to have fairly good communication skills, traditionally those with an Asperger's like presentation - e.g. me!

Even autistic individuals who are verbally fluent can display unique methods of communication. We tend to think of communication as being mainly language based however a large portion of communication uses no words, relying more on tone of voice, gestures, body language. 

Outlined below are six aspects of communication that I feel impact me most:

1. Non-verbal communication

For some autistic individuals language skills can be delayed or impaired meaning they rely more on non verbal communication techniques, this can include a wide range of behaviours such as gestures, emotive sounds, drawing, physically directing a hand to the object they are referring to.

This can of course lead to communication difficulties leading the individual to get frustrated not being able to express their needs in a way that is understood. often those close to the individual become very good at learning these niche communication methods as they can be quite repetitive.

2. A focus on literal meaning of words.

Autistic individuals typically have challenges when it comes to understanding idiomatic language or metaphors. This can also mean they have challenges in understanding sarcasm, jokes and humour. Autistic individuals are likely to take what you say literally, for example if you say dinner will be ready in 5 minutes for a lot of individuals this will cause high levels of anxiety if dinner is ready in 4 minutes and 59 second or 5 minutes and 2 seconds

3. Moving from topic to topic

One difficulty autistic individuals can find challenging is the ability to stay on topic. This can be because our minds move so quickly and are working overtime processing so many different stimuli. This may come across as us looking disorganised or even disinterested in the conversation but this isn't the case. Its just the way some of our brains work.

4. Speaking without eye contact.

Autistic individuals are often known for talking without making any or little eye contact. Generally people who struggle with this are overwhelmed by sensory details and looking directly into someone's eyes can add to this sensory overload. One really helpful tip I was told was to look at the bridge of someone's nose. This gives the same impression as eye contact but makes it feel far more comfortable for me.

5. The environment and context

It is also important to remember that communication abilities can change dependant on the environment. For individuals that already struggle with sensory processing it can make communication even more challenging if the environment is busy and noisy. Individual situations can also impact on an individuals ability to communicate.

For example for me I have far more confidence to communicate and make small talk at work whereas when out of work I much prefer my own space and can find it challenging and exhausting communicating. In school I was incredibly shy, over the years I have learnt transactional communication skills. This doesn’t mean I necessarily enjoy it but I can get by.

6. unpredictable conversations (e.g. small talk!)

Don’t know if it is just me but I find myself often talking to myself in my head, rehearsing conversations. This again has been one of the ways that I have learnt to manage transactional conversations. For example if I was phoning another professional at work I will have rehearsed in my head and sometimes written notes to make the conversation more predictable. Of course this doesn't always go to plan as people can throw in questions that I wasn't expecting but on the whole this works well for me.

The very nature of small talk means that you are unlikely to know the individual you are talking to and therefore it can make it really challenging to predict the conversation. This causes me a lot of anxiety.

Social Skills Debate

It felt important to me to briefly touch on this while writing about communication. Social skill challenges are often associated with Autism. I remember growing up the number of times at school that I was encouraged to partake in Social skills groups or 1:1 activities to teach me social skills. Some parts of these were really helpful but at other times I remember feeling like it was so pointless to learn these things that just weren't me.

A recent discussion with my Mum (who is a paediatric Speech and Language therapist working with a lot of autistic young people) got me thinking about how important it is or isn't to teach young people social skills. 

For me it doesn't feel natural to have to be taught to do something that feels so uncomfortable. However, in listening to my mums perspective it made me realise how disadvantaged some young people have been when they haven't been taught social skills.

I therefor think there needs to be a balance, as an autistic community maybe we do need to be supported to learn some of these transactional social skills, such as how to approach an interview but I also think there needs to be more of an effort from wider society to not look down on poor social skills and allow that to over shadow other skills that the individual may bring.

The way I see social skills now is more like an situational acceptance, in a similar way to how we may accept others culture even if we don't fully understand or agree with the rational behind it. For example, if I was to go on holiday to the middle east where women are expected to remain covered up I would respect this when out and about. This doesn't necessarily mean I agree with it and it wouldn't change my behaviour permanently, when back in a hotel room I would then revert back to wearing clothes that I feel are acceptable. I feel this would be a more helpful and healthy way to look at social skills. ultimately it comes down to increasing awareness and acceptance.

Top tips for communicating with an autistic individual

To finish up here are my 5 top tips for communicating with an autistic individual, like always if you are unsure then just ask them or a parent! This is far less offensive than just ignoring us, trust me.

- Try to keep conversations as predictable as possible, throwing in curve balls can be stressful.

- Think about the environment, if there is a lot of other distractions the autistic individual is more likely to struggle to focus, this can cause sensory overload.

- Think about how clear your communication is, are you using a lot of inferences. This is more likely to confuse and frustrate the individual.

- Eye contact isn't the be all and end all, don't worry if it doesn't happen and please don't enforce it!!!

-Keep to the point, using direct language that cannot be misinterpreted.